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Sunglasses: A Mario Kart 8 Gamechanger?

Discussion in 'Articles' started by Kevout, Aug 26, 2014.

  1. Kevout

    Kevout

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    Hello. I'm Kevin. I've been playing Mario Kart 8 competitively since release date on May 30th, 2014.

    Considering that fact, I've been analyzing what give the opposing player an upper-hand in many situations. Let it be TTs, WiFi, clan wars, FFA tournaments, etc. I have tried new vehicle combinations, new strategies, new mindsets towards the game, and more. It's taken me a while, but I have finally found the solution to easily becoming one of the best MK8 players in no time!

    I have hypothesized that adding sunglasses to your Mii can greatly impact your skill in MK8 positively.

    Now, you may think "That's stupid! You're such a troll! Stop being salty about MK8 and play it correctly!". Well, thread viewer, this is where the science kicks in!


    Now, if you're not familiar with a Solar Panel, a Solar Panel is a darkened panel that absorbs sunlight and transfers it into electricity or heat to power a variety of things.

    GO KARTS FOR EXAMPLE

    This kart resembles the pipe frame closely.


    Notice this man's excited expression over his wonderful use of solar energy.

    ____________________________________________________________


    I propose that Miis with sunglasses can absorb sunlight on most Mario Kart tracks (excluding tracks like Sherbet Land and Mario Kart Stadium, which take place at night).

    When a player races around the track, he or she gains energy from the sunlight absorbed by the sunglasses that he or she possess. My friends on my friends list further prove this hypothesis.

    I took note of the friend records against friends with sunglasses and the friends without. Here are the highlights of my investigation.


    Here is the everyday Mii that does not possess glasses. I have a winning record against this player:


    Now a friend with sunglasses - Losing record:


    Interesting enough, the bigger the glasses, the more energy the player can hold:


    Reading glasses don't absorb sunlight:


    Sometimes though, having no eyes gives you an advantage:



    These extremely accurate friend data records only further support the following point:

    A Mii's sunglasses absorb sunlight while on the race track, giving the player who possesses the sunglasses much more energy and power.

    Thank you for reading.
    -Kevin / Kevout


    if you haven't realized, this is just a joke
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2014
    Tzuzu, Murabito, Faith and 19 others like this.
  2. Tyler

    Tyler May I have this valse?

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    fucking dead @ irl pipeframe
     
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  3. flc

    flc Professional Site Breaker

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    fucking liar nerd faking win records

    who even does that
     
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  4. JaK

    JaK

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  5. Vanic

    Vanic

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    maybe because shaun and jak tbh
     
  6. Kay

    Kay

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    I totaly agree with the post from Kevin, nice found!
     
  7. Troy

    Troy

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    Kevin forgot to add this awesome image he drew a few weeks back



    [8/10/14 2:51:40 PM] Troy: did Jak see it?
    [8/10/14 2:51:53 PM] Kevin: Yes
    [8/10/14 2:52:01 PM] Kevin: His reaction was indeed towards the idea
    [8/10/14 2:53:47 PM] Troy: solar panel glasses are great
    [8/10/14 2:54:11 PM] Troy: maybe on the sunny tracks while racing he gains energy
    [8/10/14 2:54:17 PM] Troy: to make his kart go faster
    [8/10/14 2:54:20 PM] Troy: wouldnt be surprised
    [8/10/14 2:55:16 PM] Kevin: Yes
    [8/10/14 2:55:22 PM] Kevin: When the sun is out
    [8/10/14 2:55:30 PM] Kevin: he is a 7.75 speed
    [8/10/14 2:55:51 PM] Troy: mercedes status
    [8/10/14 2:55:54 PM] Kevin: It explains why he lost top 10 on N64 rainbow road
    [8/10/14 2:55:58 PM] Troy: ^
    [8/10/14 2:56:00 PM] Kevin: Because it's night there
    [8/10/14 2:56:51 PM] Troy: it all makes sense now
     
  8. Kevout

    Kevout

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    Thank you for this additional data, Troy.

    Thank you for the positive feedback on this complex theory, everyone.
     
  9. Alex

    Alex Guest

    kevin let's procreate
     
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  10. Alex

    Alex Guest

    After almost a full two years of research, I have finally been able to scientifically prove that sunglasses are not only a tactical advantage in Mario Kart 8, and presumably past games in the Mario Kart franchise, but it will also help in real life. These were some of many examples that I was able to find, I left out ones that were quite obvious such as using solar panel sun glasses on robotic mango's to enrich their nutrients and such.
    These are the test subjects of which I would like to prove to you that Sunglasses are usable outside of the game to help in many different situations IRL.
    Note: My pictures are no longer HD quality because I had to donate my camera to my assistant because he was getting married and he thought his pathetic IRL is more important than my research.
    Example #1:
    Banana
    I was eating this banana and realized it tasted like a banana, I then put sunglasses on it and it got much cooler instantly and it tasted like banana ice cream.
    Proof:

    Example #2: Removing stink from shoes
    I have a very bad case of smelly shoes because I sweat from my feet a lot. Lots of the time it smells like cheese and even putting the shoes as a whole in my freezer to eliminate the bacteria, the stank became too strong and overpowered the sub-zero temperatures.
    I then thought of the idea of putting sun glasses on my shoes to eliminate the stench, sure enough, it worked.
    Proof:
    Right shoe:
    Left shoe:

    Example #3: Improving sound quality from headphones via solar powered polarized mirrored sunglasses.
    I was having troubles with my headphones as of recently and I decided to put sunglasses on them, it seems to have greatly improved the sound quality and it's clearer than ever.
    Proof:

    That's the end of my demonstrations of how sunglasses can help you IRL. I hope you take these into account and archive these for future reference. Note: If I were to find my large sunglasses (JaK sized) I believe the effects of the sunglasses will amplify ten-fold.
     
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  11. DenkMan

    DenkMan

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    i feel u man but i think the real advantage in mk8 is having a benz so all ur niggaz say whatup on the track and motiv8 u to go relly fast and u get extra pints for having a nice whip yua feel?
    also, I tink having Js makes u get in your car faster so u can drive to finish line quicker. call me stupid but i actually do better just playin mk in some fresh jawdins
     
    Cynda likes this.
  12. Momo

    Momo Banned ;_;

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